Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?

The high
computer
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games
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game
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usage of younger generations is concerning to many healthcare practitioners.
While
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playing video
games
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is a fun and convenient leisure activity,
this
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essay argues that its downside outweighs the
benefit
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benefits
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, especially in terms of the long-term social damage that it causes. On the one hand, juveniles can choose
wide
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a wide
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ranges
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range
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of entertaining
computer
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Use synonyms
game
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games
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,
due to
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the connectivity of modern internet access.
By contrast
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, older generations had to rent CDs from
video
Correct article usage
a video
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game
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rental place,
not to mention
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there
are
Wrong verb form
was
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not much variety to pick from.
As a result
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, with the ease of internet access, playing
computer
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game
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games
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is one of the easiest and most enjoyable
way
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ways
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for young people to spend their leisure time.
However
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,
this
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benefit still does not outweigh the long-term negative
effect
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effects
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of excessive
computer
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Use synonyms
games
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game
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usage.
A high
Correct determiner usage
High
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use of
computer
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games
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can lead to addiction, which hinders the youth's ability to
socialize
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socialise
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in real life.
For instance
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, once young people are already occupied in
computer
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games
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, they may see it as their main source of dopamine. If
this
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goes on for a long time without parental restriction, they will get addicted, which affects their ability to
socialize
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socialise
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in real life.
Therefore
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, indulging in
computer
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games
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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dangerous for juveniles without strict rules from parents. In conclusion,
although
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computer
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game
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is a fun leisure activity for young people, the long-term consequences of
its
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their
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unsupervised use are far more damaging. Video
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games
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game
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addiction, which leads to
Correct article usage
an
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undeveloped social life, clearly outweighs its
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.

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focus
State a clear view in the intro and keep a balanced talk of both good and bad sides.
examples
Give one strong example for each point and show how it helps or harms.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show order and cause, like first, next, but, so.
strength
Shows a clear view that downsides may be stronger than upsides
strength
Attempts to discuss both sides
strength
Some linking words help ideas flow
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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