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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the work force in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies must allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The massive burden of passing some rules and laws in working environments rests on the shoulders of high-ranking officials.
While
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 some opine that companies should consider women and men equally
,
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apply
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 when they want to hire employees for high-level positions in their companies, I strongly agree with
this
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 point of view, as equality is what life is all about.
Firstly
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, there is nothing about
gender
Use synonyms
 to do with performing better in workplaces. To clarify, gone are the days when companies place a high value on sex as a requirement. Indeed,
according to
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 research conducted by top-rated universities across the world, women can act successfully, just like their opposite
gender
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, in developed countries, like Germany, there was a woman president,called Angela Merchel. There was no sign of chaos and confusion in Germany during her responsibility.
Hence
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, it is much better for communities to change their point of view towards
this
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 logical and patient section of society.
Secondly
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, motivation goes a long way in working environments. If the authorities choose their staff for high-ranking positions,
such
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 as presidents, judges, and even leaders, based on their
gender
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, and the most common ones are males, they deprive females of experiencing
such
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 positions in their lives. In
this
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 way, they may lose their ambitions to follow their dreams in their lives. So, everybody has the right to try any job position, which will result in higher efficiency in communities, since they are able to benefit from different attitudes to lead their societies. In conclusion, no one dares to deny the importance of female workers in workplaces. I strongly believe females' roles are too important to be overlooked, and if the government forgets
this
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 section of communities, they lose the chance to lead their societies in the eyes of the other
gender
Use synonyms
.

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content
Check facts and use true roles; e.g., Merkel was Chancellor, not President.
structure
Make your main idea clear in each paragraph and keep one point per paragraph.
grammar
Fix grammar and subject-verb forms; use simple, correct sentences.
examples
Give general and reliable examples that are easy to follow, not unclear ones.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connectors and restate the main idea in the conclusion.
content
You state a clear view on equality.
content
You try to back up your view with reasons.
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