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Writing Samples
Band 4

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut subjects such as arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, many people believe that
Schools
Use synonyms
 should stop teaching arts and music subjects
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 and focus on information technology. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because of the outcomes of these
courses
Use synonyms
 and the entertainment that these
courses
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 provided for
students
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss my opinions with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear reasons and examples. One reason that
supporting
Wrong verb form
supports
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 my disagreement is the long-term benefits of these
courses
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 in a student's life, which is by helping them to discover a new hobby
in
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at
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 an early age. A good primary schooling for these two subjects is important for
students
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' future by giving them the fundamentals they need when they are, when they were young.
For instance
Linking Words
, Fatima, a renowned artist in Saudi Arabia,
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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discovered her passion
in
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for
show examples
 art when she was nine years old in art class, which
helps
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helped
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 her
to
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apply
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develop her skills until she becomes a famous, until she
becomes
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became
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 a famous artist in
this
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 field.  A
further
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 key point is that many
schools
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 teach these
courses
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 in order to provide entertainment for
students
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 during studying days.
Also
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, some
schools
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adding
Verb problem
are adding
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 them in order to provide entertainment activities in order to balance between their studies and having fun.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study published in 2007 stated that 37% of
students
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 struggle with balancing
between
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apply
show examples
their personal lives and studying.
This
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 leads to
affect
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affecting
show examples
 their performance and their final exams. In conclusion, I firmly reject the view of abandoning arts and music classes in
schools
Use synonyms
, and the evidence clearly supports my position.

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organization
Plan with 2 or 3 clear reasons. Start each paragraph with a topic idea and then add one or two details.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences. Check long sentences and fix run-on ideas.
content
Give a real example and show how it back your reason. Make sure the link to your point is clear.
conclusion
End with a clear rest and the reasons you give.
language
Check spell and form of words, and make sure you use period and comma well.
strength
The writer shows a clear view against the idea.
strength
The essay uses plain words and is easy to read.
strength
There is a plan with an intro, body, and end.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • employability
  • curriculum
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • digital literacy
  • problem-solving
  • extracurricular activities
  • cultural appreciation
  • financial literacy
  • well-rounded individuals
  • modern economy
  • independent living
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