IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In today’s generation, a
lot
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 of
people
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 are into material things, job status, and how they will
respect
Wrong verb form
be respected
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 one
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person
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others
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. They don’t seem
care
Verb problem
to care
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 anymore about what the
person
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 can do, based on his/her characteristics and efforts, not based on
money
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 or material things. In
this
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 essay, I will explain to what extent I agree or disagree. First of all, in
this
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 era of social media, where everyone can post their lifestyles,
people
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 tend to believe that respect will only go to the
person
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 who achieves more.
Furthermore
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, successful
people
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 will have all the validations they want.
For instance
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, by showing that you got promoted to a job or hired by a great company, some will think that
person
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 is earning a
lot
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 of
money
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.
Also
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, having a huge house and cars can gain popularity and lead to a
lot
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 of friends.
On the other hand
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, being kind and loyal is not important these days.
Also
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, your time and effort will not be enough and will not be appreciated. Apparently, a
lot
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 of
people
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 go to someone who can offer a
lot
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 through materials and
money
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. It’s because living in society now is hard, and everyone is struggling just to survive, and
people
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 need someone who can help them with status and
money
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.
Therefore
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, being kind and loyal is not enough.
To conclude
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, I agreed that we give our respect to
people
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 who do more in life.
Hence
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, we are all blinded by material possessions and not by the true kindness of heart.

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structure
Be clear on your view at the start and keep one main idea in each part.
development
Add a short simple example for each main idea to back it up.
grammar
Use clear and correct words; fix small grammar mistakes so you sound steady.
content
Show both sides, then give your view at the end to be strong and fair.
structure
The plan is clear: you say what you will talk about.
content
Some real life ideas are used, such as social media and status.
structure
The ending states your view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social status
  • material possessions
  • old-fashioned values
  • honour
  • kindness
  • trust
  • empathy
  • media influence
  • self-worth
  • metrics of success
  • financial achievements
  • community contributions
  • superficial connections
  • emotional bonds
  • life satisfaction
  • stress and anxiety
  • policy changes
  • community programs
  • restoring balance
  • personal character
What to do next:
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