IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

*Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. *Why might this be the case? *What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to
work
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 be
a self-employed
Rephrase
rather
show examples
 than
work
Use synonyms
 in a company or
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
Linking Words
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 with a clear explanation
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the disadvantages, and I will express my personal opinion. One reason why many
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 by themselves is that they are independent.
This
Linking Words
 means they like to do all the
work
Use synonyms
 without any external help from others, which
makes
Verb problem
puts
show examples
 them
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
 a lot of pressure of overwhelmed
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
with work
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study published in 2007 stated that 70% of business
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from health issues
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Use the right word
an
show examples
 early age
due to
Linking Words
overwhelmed
Replace the word
overwhelming
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. Another factor is that
people
Use synonyms
 usually do not like to take orders from
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, from someone above them in position, which makes them choose to
work
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-employed.
However
Linking Words
, being
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-employed has a lot of disadvantages. One clear drawback is that
self-employed
Correct article usage
the self-employed
show examples
 in the beginning will face a lot of problems and issues
due to
Linking Words
 lack of experience and knowledge, which has
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
show examples
 on
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 of the business.
In addition
Linking Words
, it's all it has
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 risk and
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
of offering
Change preposition
to offer
show examples
 salaries for employees who
work
Use synonyms
 with you because of low profit.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
these
Fix capitalization
These
show examples
 reasons explain, supports why the disadvantages
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cannot be ignored. In conclusion, being
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-employed is commonly seen these days, but I think working with a company or
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 is
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
safer than
Use synonyms
work
Replace the word
working
show examples
 as a self-employed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Use clear topic sentences and keep each paragraph on one main idea.
grammar
Fix grammar mistakes and use correct word forms (self-employed, organization).
content
Provide simple, true examples and avoid off or doubtful stats.
tone
Make your stance clear in the last paragraph with a short opinion.
coherence
Use linking words to show reason, result, and contrast (because, so, however, but).
content
The essay has a plan and tries to cover reasons and downsides.
tone
You show your own view on the topic.
content
There is some effort to explain the idea in your own words.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: