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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the proportion of population aged 65 and over among the US, Sweden and Japan.

The line chart illustrates the level of prices of high-tech gadgets, measured in dollars, over 2004, 2005, and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
figures
Use synonyms
 fluctuated over the
period
Use synonyms
, with noticeable differences between years. In the
navigate
Replace the word
navigation
show examples
 system, the
figures
Use synonyms
 plummeted steadily from
July-December
Check wording
July
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in
Change preposition
to
show examples
2004
Check wording
December 2004
show examples
 to
2005 January-June
Correct word order
January-June 2005
show examples
.January-June 2005.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the highest value was recorded in 2006, at approximately 3500, compared to 3000 earlier in the
period
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
smart phone
Use the right word
smartphone
show examples
 showed a different pattern, as the
figures
Use synonyms
 fluctuated throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. The data peaked in 2004, before declining to 2550 by 2005. Meanwhile,
fromthe
Correct your spelling
the
figures
Use synonyms
 in the 2005-2006 range remained relatively stable, without any changes over time. In summary, the line chart demonstrates no clear
overall
Linking Words
 trend, making it difficult to identify a single highest point across all elements.
However
Linking Words
, the
smart phone
Use the right word
smartphone
show examples
 remained comparatively lower for most of the
period
Use synonyms
, showing consistent differences over time.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words figures, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • aged population
  • healthcare advancements
  • declining birth rates
  • elderly care
  • independence
  • quality of life
  • social cohesion
  • economic pressures
  • social policies
  • pension schemes
  • workforce participation
  • societal wellbeing
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