IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, the number of police officers in active service is decreasing. What do you think may be the reason for this? What effects might have on society?

Undoubtedly, in some nations, the active service of
Use synonyms
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 force is decreasing.
This
Linking Words
 happens
due to
Linking Words
 retirement, and because emergency helpline systems, reduced the need for their physical presence.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the crime rate may increase, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public safety can be negatively affected when there are fewer
officers
Use synonyms
 available. The majority of
officers
Use synonyms
 join the
police
Use synonyms
 to serve the community, but the pressure from their senior
officers
Use synonyms
, the public, and the media
forced
Wrong verb form
forces
show examples
 them to retire at an early age in their careers.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there is
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 case of murder, robbery,
then
Linking Words
 the victims expect the
police
Use synonyms
 to solve it immediately. In
such
Linking Words
 situations,
officers
Use synonyms
 not only have the pressure to resolve the case quickly, but
also
Linking Words
 receive criticism from the public.
As a result
Linking Words
 ,
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 decide to take early retirement
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and look for other employment opportunities.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
police
Use synonyms
 departments now rely on emergency helpline systems,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in India,
people
Rephrase
where people
show examples
 can dial 100 or in Canada,
they
Rephrase
where they
show examples
 can dial 911 to get a quick response from the
officers
Use synonyms
. Having fewer active
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 affects
society
Use synonyms
 negatively. First of all, criminals may get more opportunities to commit a crime when they know,
police
Use synonyms
 will arrive late. In most cases, criminals will never be detected as they leave no evidence near or at the crime scene.
Hence
Linking Words
 , they feel free to do whatever they want, which can make
society
Use synonyms
 a more dangerous place to live.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , it may harm public safety, and they lose confidence to walk freely in public places. In some situations, criminals even use weapons to carry out activities, and
society
Use synonyms
 shows no courage to defend itself , because doing so may put their lives in danger. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the active involvement of the
police
Use synonyms
 force has decreased nowadays.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly
due to
Linking Words
 early retirements
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and the increased reliance on the emergency helpline number, which reduces their physical presence in the community.
As a result
Linking Words
 ,
society
Use synonyms
 may suffer from rising criminal activities , and people may lose their trust in
police
Use synonyms
 investigations.

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grammar
Fix grammar and use simple, clear sentences. Break long lines into short ones and check punctuation.
structure
Plan your essay. Have a clear start, give causes in one part and effects in another, and link ideas with small joining words like 'and', 'but', 'also'.
content
Add more detail to each point. State a cause, then give a reason and a small example. Do not stay on one idea only.
structure
The essay tries to cover both causes and effects.
coherence
There is a link from cause to effect in the flow.
content
Some real world links are used, like the use of 911/100.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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