IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, the number of police officers in active service is decreasing. What do you think may be the reason for this? What effects might have on society?

Undoubtedly, in some nations, the active service of
Use synonyms
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 force is decreasing.
This
Linking Words
 happens
due to
Linking Words
 retirement, and because emergency helpline systems, reduced the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their physical presence.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the crime rate may increase, and the public safety can be negatively
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
 when there are fewer
officers
Use synonyms
 available. The majority of
officers
Use synonyms
 join the
police
Use synonyms
 to serve the community, but the pressure from their senior
officers
Use synonyms
, the public, and the media forced them to
retirement
Replace the word
retire
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there is any case of murder,
robbery
Punctuation problem
robbery,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 the victims
expects
Correct subject-verb agreement
expect
show examples
 the
police
Use synonyms
 to solve it immediately. In
such
Linking Words
 situations,
officers
Use synonyms
 not only have the pressure to resolve the case quickly, but
also
Linking Words
 receive criticism from the public.
As a result
Linking Words
,
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 decide to take early retirement, and look for other
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 opportunities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
police
Use synonyms
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
show examples
 now rely on emergency helpline systems,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in India, people can dial 100 or in Canada, they can dial 911
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
quick
Correct article usage
a quick
show examples
 response from the
officers
Use synonyms
. Having fewer active
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 affects
society
Use synonyms
 negatively. First of all, criminals may get more opportunities to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
commit a crime
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they know,
police
Use synonyms
 will arrive late. In most cases, criminals will never
detected
Verb problem
be detected
show examples
 as they leave no evidence near or at the crime scene.
Hence
Linking Words
, they feel free to do whatever they want, which can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 dangerous place to live
there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it may harm
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public safety, and they lose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
confidence to walk freely
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public places. In some situations, criminals even use weapons to
acrry
Correct your spelling
carry
 out activities, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 shows no courage to defend
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
itself
show examples
, because doing so may put their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in danger. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the active involvement of the
police
Use synonyms
 force has decreased nowadays.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly
due to
Linking Words
 early retirements, and the increased reliance on
emergency
Correct article usage
the emergency
show examples
 helpline number, which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 their physical presence in the community.
As a result
Linking Words
,
society
Use synonyms
 may suffer from rising criminal
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
, and people may lose their trust in
police
Use synonyms
 investigations.

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structure
Make your plan before you write. Put one idea per paragraph and keep to the plan.
language
Use simple words. Check spellings and repeat words less.
coherence
Link ideas with small words like first, also, then, but, so to guide the reader.
content
Give two or three clear examples to back each big idea.
content
The essay tries to give a view on why police numbers drop and what it can cause.
structure
The end sums up the idea and the result.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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