IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, many aspects of life have changed
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to the past, and one of the most influential changes is the rise of
activities
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
. Some people think
parents
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 should
organized
Verb problem
organise
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 free time
activities
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 for their
children
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,
while
Linking Words
 others believe
Correct article usage
the opposise
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opposise
Correct your spelling
opposite
of
Change preposition
apply
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that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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, and that
activities
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 rely on
children
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 choosing.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both points and present my opinion.
To begin
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 with,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may some
Correct word order
some activities may
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activities
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have
Verb problem
be
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 harmful or extreme.
In other words
Linking Words
, some
activities
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 may lead to harm that
children
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unaware
Verb problem
are unaware
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 of, so
parents
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 have
responsibility
Correct article usage
a responsibility
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 for that.
Moreover
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,
children
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 do not have knowledge about all sides of
activity
Correct article usage
the activity
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.
For example
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,
activities
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depend
Correct pronoun usage
that depend
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 on smart devices
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
games
Punctuation problem
games,
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 could
represent dangerous
Wrong verb form
pose a danger
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about
Change preposition
to
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 privacy.
In addition
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,
children
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 may
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 a lot of time in some
activities
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 without any benefits
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 computer games or others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the goal of
activities
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 is entertainment,
hence
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 when we
gave
Wrong verb form
give
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children
Use synonyms
decision
Correct article usage
a decision
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 about
kind
Correct article usage
the kind
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 of
activities
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, it will return
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 some benefits
such
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 as freedom and confidence. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that putting rules or conditions on
activities
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may hide
talents
Correct article usage
the talents
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 of
children
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, and it could lead to poor of entertainment.
For instance
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, recent studies have shown that the main tool for discovering talents in
children
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 is through
activities
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, especially games. By way of conclusion, after analysis of
this
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 issue. I tend to
activities
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 for
children
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 should be
organized
Change the spelling
organised
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 by
parents
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, because there are many aspects
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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significantly
Replace the word
significant
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 for
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
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,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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parents
Use synonyms
 should reduce conditions on
activities
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 as possible as
.
Correct word choice
possible.
show examples

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task
Plan your essay. Start with a simple sentence of your view in the intro. Then write one clear paragraph for each side and finish with a short ending that repeats your view.
coherence
Use link words to show the flow: first, also, but, because, for example.
task
Give one or two good examples and explain how they show your idea.
grammar
Fix big grammar mistakes and word order. Watch spellings like 'organised' vs 'organized' and 'unaware' vs 'unaware' is fine, but 'would' corrections.
grammar
Keep short, clear sentences. Do not use long, run-on phrases.
task response
The write up shows you try to cover both sides and add your own view.
coherence
There is a start and end to the essay, which helps shape the piece.
content
You mention safety and talent, showing some knowledge of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
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