IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely argued whether money is the most important
to motivate
Wrong verb form
factor in motivating
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to stay in their occupation.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 support
this
Linking Words
 idea, others oppose it. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because it plays a vital
rol
Correct your spelling
role
 in shaping individual life. One compelling reason for
this
Linking Words
 view is that
people
Use synonyms
 need a high salary to live a good lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 factor has a significant impact on the level of the standard of living. The higher an employee's salary, the greater their standard of living.
For example
Linking Words
, we see employers try to get promotions
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 increasing their performance. In Oman ,promotions depend
Change preposition
on
show examples
performance.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe
in
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the work environment is more important than salary. It affects employee
perform
Replace the word
performance
show examples
 that the more comfortable and suitable the work environment, the more the employee will perform.
As a result
Linking Words
,
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
encourges
Correct your spelling
encourages
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 to stay in their jobs,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can bring about positive change in work. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
finanicial
Correct your spelling
financial
 stability is almost
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to stable in
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 because its advantages clearly outweigh its disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
State your view clearly in the opening and restate it in the end so the reader knows your stance from the start.
content
Give one strong, clear example for each idea and explain how it supports your point.
grammar
Fix spelling and grammar. Use short, simple sentences. Watch words like role, Oman, financial, and spacing after punctuation.
cohesion
Use connecting words to show how ideas link, such as also, but, however, for example.
mechanics
Check your punctuation and use spaces correctly after commas and periods.
content
Your view is clear and you take a position.
structure
There is a simple plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: