IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should The Relationship Between Age and Crime, last year Types of Property Crime in the UK, last year

Both graph and chart depict
last
Linking Words
 year's
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 record in the UK, where
line
Correct article usage
the line
show examples
 graph
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Correct word choice
that age
show examples
 group has a correlation with
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 information about four categories of
crime
Use synonyms
done
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 by civilians between 0 and 64 years old.Despite both graphs
display
Wrong verb form
displaying
show examples
 data from the same year, the information provided
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 extremely different.
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph, there were thousands of British people who committed
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was done by
productive
Correct article usage
the productive
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 group,
while
Linking Words
 infants and
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 have never done any harm. As can be seen, an upward trend was identified
on
Change preposition
among
show examples
 teenagers, ranging from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 12 to 24
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 a dramatic fall of 40
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 people afterwards.
In addition
Linking Words
, older people from 30 to 60 years old didn't cause
troubles
Check wording
apply
show examples
as much as youngsters.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the pie chart
potrays
Correct your spelling
portrays
 four classifications of
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
. The first category that dominantly exceeded all four was violence
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 46
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, making it the biggest cause of
crime
Use synonyms
 in Great Britain,
whereas
Linking Words
 public order
crime
Use synonyms
 was the lowest
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
Use synonyms
rate
Correct article usage
a rate
show examples
 below 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, property
crime
Use synonyms
 was slightly bigger than drug
crime
Use synonyms
, which suggests similar damage caused by those two categories.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words crime, rate, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: