IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts illustrate the key information about the
preportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of time working adults spent on
variant
Replace the word
various
show examples
 activities in a country in 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that in both years, the greatest
activity
Use synonyms
 was working,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest
activity
Use synonyms
 was going out with loved
in
Correct pronoun usage
ones in
show examples
 2008, but
travel
Verb problem
travelling
show examples
 to work in 1958. Looking at the details, we can notice that working
activity
Use synonyms
 represented approximately one third of
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 in 1958,
while
Linking Words
 it
was representing
Wrong verb form
represented
show examples
 almost
aquarter
Correct your spelling
a quarter
 of
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 in 2008. In terms of the second greatest
activity
Use synonyms
, it was sleeping at 32%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and 25%, respectively. Looking at more details
relaxing
Punctuation problem
, relaxing
show examples
 at home
activity
Use synonyms
 was
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 percentage in 2008 than
1958
Change preposition
in 1958
show examples
 at 13%, and 8%, respectively. In terms of other interests or playing sports
Use synonyms
activity
Punctuation problem
, activity
show examples
 was lower in 1958 than
2008
Change preposition
in 2008
show examples
 at 6%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and 8%, respectively. As
regars
Correct your spelling
regards
 travel to work
activity
Use synonyms
 in 2008 was
fourth
Use the right word
four
show examples
 double
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
1958
Change preposition
of 1958
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activity with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • activities
  • working adults
  • increase
  • decrease
  • shift
  • balance
  • time
  • significant
  • household tasks
  • leisure
  • reflect
  • importance
  • education
  • personal development
  • stable
  • constant
  • development
  • focus
  • responsibilities
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