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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today we can see overconsumption of natural resources such as air, fresh water, and oil and so on. The usage is increasing as a very dangerous pace and is already reaching critical levels. What are the reasons contributing to this? What should be done to minimize this?

Nowadays, natural resources like air, water and oil are being overused to a dangerous level. One of the major reasons
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is our ever-growing population, followed by
unregulated
Correct article usage
the unregulated
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 use of
energy
Use synonyms
. The available resources can be preserved by setting limitations
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 researching
for
Change preposition
apply
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alternatives. It is not hidden to us
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that humans have been increasing in number. With
enhancement
Correct article usage
an enhancement
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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our needs, there is a corresponding
raise
Use the right word
rise
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 in the
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of
energy
Use synonyms
. In
todays
Check wording
today's
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 world with
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 technology, the requirement
of
Change preposition
for
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 natural fuels
are sky rocketing
Verb problem
is skyrocketing
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. We need
electricity
Use synonyms
 for everything, from lighting our houses to charging our cars.
This
Linking Words
electricity
Use synonyms
 is generated from the natural elements,
with
Correct word choice
and with
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 an increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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demand
Punctuation problem
demand,
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 there is an increase in its depletion.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are no rules to its usage. We are abusing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature for our personal greed.
For example
Linking Words
, phones are kept for charging overnight,
lights
Correct word choice
and lights
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 are kept switched on in empty houses. These habits are
affectinng
Correct your spelling
affecting
 our environment more than we can comprehend. If we hope to use the gifts of nature to our benefit for a long time, we need to start saving
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. The best way to do
this
Linking Words
 on a large scale
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is to make national laws for the usage of
electricity
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 could
also
Linking Words
minimize
Change the spelling
minimise
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 the supply of
electricity
Use synonyms
 at certain
timings
Replace the word
times
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.
This
Linking Words
 will decrease the amount of load, put on the sources used for production.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 we save the existing elements, why not try
discover
Verb problem
to discover
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 better alternatives? If designated funds are invested in the research of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new sources of
energy
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 could be attained. In conclusion,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 increase in our population has led to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
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 in
energy
Use synonyms
 sources. If we could make laws for the amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 used per house,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 trying to search for new
Use synonyms
energy generating
Use the right word
energy-generating
show examples
 products, we can overcome
this
Linking Words
 crisis.

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structure
Use one idea per paragraph and give a clear link from one idea to the next.
language
Check your sentences for grammar. Short and simple sentences are easier to read.
content
Add more detail for each point. Give an example for each idea.
cohesion
Use more joining words to show cause and effect, such as because, so, then.
content
The essay has a clear view of the issue.
structure
It uses an intro, body and conclusion.
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