IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some say that young and energetic employees are the more valuable for the company, others argue that older employees have more experience and knowledge. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples, based on you own experience.

In
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 world, some argue that employees at
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
show examples
 age
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 more effectively than
thosw
Correct your spelling
those
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
old
Correct word choice
older
show examples
 ages ,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 may seem like a controversial move to some, I firmly believe that companies need young and old people as
vareity
Correct your spelling
varied
 experience will be more valuable.
to
Fix capitalization
To
show examples
begain
Correct your spelling
begin
 with, today's world is changing very rapidly at different angles
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
technologicaly
Correct your spelling
technologically
,
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
 and
environmently
Correct your spelling
environmentally
, all
Punctuation problem
. All
show examples
 of these changes require
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
flexiable
Correct your spelling
flexible
 mindset that
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 able to keep up and adapt
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
such
Linking Words
senerios
Correct your spelling
scenarios
 young generation
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to provide
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
better responses
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 their mindset, excitement and
energetic
Replace the word
energy
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 fresh
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they
most
Verb problem
are most
show examples
 likely to be passionate
to make
Change preposition
about making
show examples
 new
expirements
Correct your spelling
experiments
 and
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 new experiences by creating more creative and innovative
soultions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 on other hand, the employee who older age, they probably performing better in decision making in
such
Linking Words
 difficult situation based on their experience the old employee is considered as the assets of their work and the subject matter expert, and mostly they know more about their orgnization history,
therefore
Linking Words
 they will be fimilar with challenges their company passed through, and how they overcome them and what they will be doing in case those challenges be encountered again. In conclusion, fresh blood
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to be more
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
old
Correct word choice
older
show examples
 ages tend to have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
maturity
Replace the word
mature
show examples
midset
Use the right word
mindset
show examples
, any
Punctuation problem
. Any
show examples
orgnization
Correct your spelling
organisation
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
success
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must have a mix of different ages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and keep it in all other parts. Add more clear examples about how young and old workers help a firm.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences and make each idea flow with simple linking words. Have four short paragraphs: intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
The essay shows a view that both young and old workers are valued.
structure
There is an opening idea and a closing line.
content
It asks to use own experience, which can make the answer feel personal.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: