IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that children should go to kindergarten before attending primary school, while others believe that children should stay all day with their families. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Nowadays,there is an ongoing debate about whether to let parents choose to attend their
kids
Use synonyms
 in kindergarten, which has attracted considerable public attention in recent years.Some people believe that we should let them go to develop their skills before school,
while
Linking Words
 others think they are too young,folk have much
era
Check wording
time
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 for studying
at
Change preposition
in
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 another era.l strongly agree with the idea that pupils have to take courses before joining a real school.
This
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 essay will examine the extent to which
this
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 opinion is valid and discuss two significant reasons supporting it. One main reason for
this
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 view is its impact on the environment.
This
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 means that
kids
Use synonyms
 learn new skills from
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
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.
For example
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,if
birth
Check wording
children
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 spend a major
of
Check wording
part of
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
 at home,they will not learn anything modern.Some families spend most of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 working, sleeping,and doing housework.
Therefore
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,
kids
Use synonyms
 have
leisure
Correct article usage
a leisure
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 day. Most of the folk do not have siblings or relatives,so they spend
several
Fix the agreement mistake
most of
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 the
time
Use synonyms
 alone.
Also
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 teacher will not take the whole day,just a couple of hours , and the children can spend the rest of the
time
Use synonyms
 with
household
Correct article usage
the household
show examples
. Another important reason is that
this
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 approach helps
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 take
benefits
Check wording
advantage
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from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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,
kids
Use synonyms
 learn many things before school,and they will be ready for it.
For instance
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, Opp University does experiment with two groups.One of them took 2 seasons in kindergarten,
while
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 the other did not.
As a consequence
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,the first group obtain social skills,personal interest,and adjusts
behaviour
Correct pronoun usage
their behaviour
show examples
.
This
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 led to
removal
Correct article usage
the removal
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 of frighten during the first semester,
while
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 others faced many problems. In conclusion, I firmly believe that parents must let
birth
Check wording
their children
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 go to kindergarten because it provides clear merits for individuals and society.
Overall
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,
this
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 makes the argument more convincing in today’s world.

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task response
Be clear about your main view in the first sentence and keep it steady through the essay.
structure
Use simple, short sentences. Each idea should have one point and a tiny example.
organization
Make topic sentences that show what the paragraph will say.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling. Use 'child' not 'birth' and 'kindergarten' not 'kindren'.
examples
Use real, simple examples that relate to family life or school life.
content
There is a clear aim to discuss both sides and give a view.
organization
The essay has open and closing parts.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • kindergarten
  • primary school
  • socialization
  • interaction
  • structured learning
  • communication
  • problem-solving
  • preparation
  • emotional bonding
  • attachment
  • individual attention
  • flexibility
  • real-life experiences
  • opinion
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