IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

You recently bought a toy from a company online. When the toy was delivered, you found some problems with it. Write a letter to the company manager. In your letter: -Describe the toy -Explain the problems with it -Tell the manager what you would like her/him to do

To begin
Linking Words
 with,
art works
Use the right word
artworks
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 are important because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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preserves
Correct subject-verb agreement
preserve
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 our cultural identity.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it captures the essence of our community beliefs, traditions, and historical significance
preserving
Punctuation problem
, preserving
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 them for future generations.
This
Linking Words
 preservation of our heritage ensures that our cultural identity remains vibrant and influential.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
art
Correct article usage
the art
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 industry promotes significant economic growth.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 art galleries, workshops, and events attract tourism, generating revenue
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and jobs.
For example
Linking Words
, the top tourist attractions like Rome and Venice are generating multi-million profits through
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 industry because people flock to visit
such
Linking Words
 historical places to gain
rich
Correct article usage
a rich
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 cultural experience.

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task response
The text does not fit the task. It talks about art, not a toy or a move to a manager. Rewrite to fit the job.
task response
Describe the toy, list what is wrong, and say what you want the manager to do.
coherence and cohesion
Put each idea in its own short paragraph. Use clear links like First, Next, Finally.
lexical resource
Use simple words from the top 100 in a letter style.
grammar
Check the grammar and use of 'the','a','an'.
coherence
The text uses some linking words to join ideas.
task response
There is a clear aim to show why art matters.
coherence
Examples are used to support points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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