Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Two of each at least

In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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I will examine both advantages and disadvantages of moving away from your house and relatives for work.  In today's world, increasingly more people leave their families and friends for work. Of course, humans usually perform
this
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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due to
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financial problems. In
such
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case
Correct article usage
a case
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,
this
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situation may cause mental problems,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
of loneliness, and low self-esteem. There are many examples of men losing their minds in order to provide assistance to their
long distance
Use the right word
long-distance
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families.
Accordingly
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,
mann
Correct your spelling
many
psychologists name
this
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mental illness "the male loneliness epidemic".
This
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leads to a controversy that questions
if
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whether
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it is really worth the struggle.
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However
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However,
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when far away
home
Change preposition
from home
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, the mind forces the body to adapt and develop.
This
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challenging change
,
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apply
show examples
causes the person to move
further
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;
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,
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to a point where they get used to it.
Moreover
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, a variety of workers say
when
Correct word choice
that when
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lonely
Punctuation problem
lonely,
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they can think more rationally in their free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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.
A
Correct article usage
An
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experiment made by sociologists
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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that, when a worker is
alone
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alone,
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they can spend more time
to care
Wrong verb form
caring
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about themselves.
This
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fact leads
up
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apply
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to a conclusion
:
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:
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if a person can manage the situation well, they can negate most of the disadvantages.
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Otherwise
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Otherwise,
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if the brain fails to execute it well, they will lead themselves to destruction both mentally and physically. Given both advantages and disadvantages, one can turn
this
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hardship into
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
opportunity where they earn a lot of money. In conclusion, you should consider it very well before you make a decision on leaving your safe place.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
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I could never, because I value my relations more than any amount of money I can earn.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, if you decide to do
it
Punctuation problem
it,
show examples
you must be aware of the obstacles on the way.

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task
Make two clear advantages and two clear disadvantages, each with one or two examples or reasons.
coherence
Work on linking ideas with simple connectives like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'however', and 'for example'.
grammar
Fix grammar and sentence form. Correct phrases like 'A experiment' to 'An experiment' and 'many psychologists'.
lexical
Use shorter sentences and simple words to keep the meaning easy to follow.
balance
The essay shows a balance by giving weight to both sides.
structure
There is a clear introduction and a conclusion that states the view.
coherence
Some linking words help show how ideas are connected.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
What to do next:
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