IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age for everybody,regard less of occupation is unfair.They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age.

In the modern world, the topic of
retirement
Use synonyms
age
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 has attracted significant attention. Many
people
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 believe that having a set
retirement
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age
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 for everybody ,
regard less
Use the right word
regardless
show examples
 of occupation it plays an essential role in our lives,
while
Linking Words
 others think certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier
age
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.Personally, I consider
this
Linking Words
 issue to be highly important because it influences individuals
as well as
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 society.
Firstly
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, one strong reason is that it helps
people
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 improve their quality of life and adapt to modern changes.
For instance
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, through
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
retirement
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age
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Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 can gain new opportunities, develop their skills, and solve everyday problems more effectively.
This
Linking Words
 clearly demonstrates how it affects daily life and personal growth.
Secondly
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, another important point is that
retirement
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age
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 contributes to the development of the whole society. To illustrate, it encourages innovation, cooperation, and progress, which lead to a better and more sustainable future.
Such
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 evidence proves that the issue cannot be ignored and should be valued by everyone. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 may hold different views about
retirement
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age
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,I strongly believe it has a deep impact on both individuals and communities.
Therefore
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, it is necessary to understand
iving
Correct your spelling
giving
 a set
retirement
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age
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 for everybody
regardts
Correct your spelling
regarding
 importance and apply it wisely in our lives.

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task-management
Use a clear stance and show all views in a simple way. Start with your main idea in one line.
language-use
Fix big grammar and sign errors. Use short, plain sentences with proper punctuation.
content
Give real and simple examples to back up your points.
structure
The essay has a simple structure with an intro, body, and ending.
content
It shows a real topic and tries to give two ideas about life and society.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension
  • physically demanding
  • mentally draining
  • emotionally draining
  • economic implications
  • financial burden
  • health and life expectancy
  • uniform retirement age
  • flexible approach
  • job satisfaction
  • early retirement
  • occupational fairness
  • social security system
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