IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that having a set of retirement age for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age.

In the modern world, the topic of [mavzuning nomi] has attracted significant attention. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it plays an essential role in our lives,
while
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 others think differently. Personally, I consider
this
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 issue to be highly important because it influences individuals
as well as
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 society.
Firstly
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, one strong reason is that it helps
people
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 improve their quality of life and adapt to modern changes.
For instance
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, through [mavzuning nomi],
people
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 can gain new opportunities, develop their skills, and solve everyday problems more effectively.
This
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 clearly demonstrates how it affects daily life and personal growth.
Secondly
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, another important point is that [mavzuning nomi] contributes to the development of the whole society. To illustrate, it encourages innovation, cooperation, and progress, which lead to a better and more sustainable future.
Such
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 evidence proves that the issue cannot be ignored and should be valued by everyone. In conclusion,
although
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people
Use synonyms
 may hold different views about [mavzuning nomi], I strongly believe it has a deep impact on both individuals and communities.
Therefore
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, it is necessary to understand its importance and apply it wisely in our lives.

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Task response
State your main view clearly in the first paragraph and keep to this view.
Task response
Give two or three main reasons and add one clear example for each.
Task response
Use a real ending that restates your view.
Coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence.
Coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas are linked, like 'also', 'but', 'so' and 'because'.
Structure
The essay has an intro, body and conclusion.
Coherence
It uses 'Firstly', 'Secondly' and 'In conclusion' to link ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension
  • physically demanding
  • mentally draining
  • emotionally draining
  • economic implications
  • financial burden
  • health and life expectancy
  • uniform retirement age
  • flexible approach
  • job satisfaction
  • early retirement
  • occupational fairness
  • social security system
What to do next:
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