IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

nNowadays, more and more children play computer games. Why do you think this is the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that kids spend their
time
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 on technological devices. With the changes in humanity,
this
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 is
one
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 of the important topics.
This
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 essay will discuss my opinion about
this
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 development.
One
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 of the main reasons why
children
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 prefer computer
games
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 is that these
games
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 are entertaining and easily accessible. In recent years,
children
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 want to play computer
games
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 with friends , and they would like to spend
time
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 together.
Furthermore
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, the development of technology has transformed the types of
games
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 among generations ,which has increased younger people's motivation
on
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to
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 play video
games
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. In my opinion, it is negative since they use their
time
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 and they do not do homework or articles at the same
time
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Punctuation problem
. Children
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children
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 might
prolonged
Verb problem
experience prolonged
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 screen use can cause eye problems. On the
one
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 hand, it is
one
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 of the reasons that
children
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 can not socialise with people of their
same
Correct word choice
own
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 age.
For example
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,
while
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 kids play soccer or hang out with peers. Taking all into consideration, they should not play computer
games
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 more than 1 hour a day
according to
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 anyone
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
in
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 the cases in colleges. I think it is not the best idea to not
putt
Use the right word
put
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 a
time
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 limit.

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task
Plan your essay first and make a clear plan. Start with a short view in the first paragraph, then give 2 or 3 reasons in separate paragraphs, and finish with a clear end.
coherence
Use easy links to connect ideas. Begin with 'First', 'Then', 'Also', 'But', 'In addition', and 'In conclusion' to help the reader.
language
Fix grammar and make basic sentences correct. Try to use one idea per sentence and avoid long, joining lines that are hard to read.
content
Be more exact. Explain how games affect kids with simple facts or events you know, not vague phrases.
structure
End with a short closing line that restates your view.
layout
There is an introduction that states the topic and a clear view.
layout
A closing sentence is used to end the essay.
content
The writer tries to give reasons for their view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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