IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents guide their children's education towards specific careers, such as in engineering, medicine, or law. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child who has this kind of parental guidance?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, some
parents
Use synonyms
 believe that education towards specific careers,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 engineering,
medicine
Use synonyms
, or
law
Use synonyms
, will bring a brighter future for their
children
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain the advantages and the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 parental guidance. The main advantage of
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
show examples
 guidance is that
parents
Use synonyms
noticed
Wrong verb form
notice
show examples
 that several professions naturally earn higher incomes than others,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 engineers, doctors and lawyers. The fact that these professions are always needed broadly worldwide,
parents
Use synonyms
 believe that
children
Use synonyms
 who pursue their career in these fields will have higher opportunities to secure a high-paid job.
In addition
Linking Words
, obtaining a degree in engineering,
medicine
Use synonyms
 and
law
Use synonyms
 fields requires
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 level of competence, dedication and persistence, which could be counted as added value in the job-market competition.
In contrast
Linking Words
, specific education,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 engineering,
medicine
Use synonyms
, and
law
Use synonyms
, requires special technical competence, memorize and strong logic, which could be an obstacle for students who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have enough brain capacity.
Hence
Linking Words
, students feel pressured and uncomfortable to learn some subjects they are not passionate about.
Finally
Linking Words
, the overpressure from the parental expectations and from their competitive environment could lead to their own failure.
For example
Linking Words
, in India,
parents
Use synonyms
 are pressuring their
children
Use synonyms
 to succeed in specific academic fields like
medicine
Use synonyms
 and engineering, in which 20-40% of students admit that they have depression and mental distress during their studies. In conclusion, parental guidance for education towards specific careers
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 engineering,
medicine
Use synonyms
 and
law
Use synonyms
 has its own
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 towards the
children
Use synonyms
. If the aspiration is aligned,
children
Use synonyms
 could have a bright future and
high-income
Correct article usage
a high-income
show examples
 job.
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, it could lead to depression and anxiety if the subjects are not aligned with their passion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Make one main idea per paragraph and start each with a clear sentence about it.
language
Use simple words to link ideas (and, but, also, for example) to show how ideas fit.
content
Give each point a clear reason and a small fact or example.
accuracy
Check for small grammar mistakes and make phrases easy, like 'parents' guidance' and 'brain power'.
structure
End with a short conclusion that restates the main idea.
structure
The essay has a clear intro and a closing line.
content
It shows both good sides and bad sides.
content
It uses a real example (India) to back a point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • parental guidance
  • specialization
  • high performing careers
  • competitive environments
  • skills and knowledge
  • exploration
  • interests
  • talents
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • passions
  • abilities
  • creativity
  • resentment
  • controlling
What to do next:
Look at other essays: