IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that mobile phones must be banned in public places such as libraries, shops or public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It's often argued that people shouldn't use smartphones in public places, sparking a heated debate on the issue.
While
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 some claim that
phones
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 are an integral part of life, others insist that public places are inappropriate for the use of
such
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 gadgets. From my point of view,
although
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 both perspectives have merit, I strongly believe that using
phones
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 in public spaces can bring more benefits than
harms
Fix the agreement mistake
harm
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 On the one hand, mobile
phones
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 can draw unnecessary attention,
can
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apply
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interrupt others or even pose a danger.
For example
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, clicks and other gadget noises can be extremely irritating to other library visitors and create inconvenience for people.
However
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, another situation can lead to much more serious consequences.
According to
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 the police department statistics, almost 30% of car accidents occur
due to
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 inattention on the road, which is usually caused by cell
phones
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 .
On the other hand
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,
phones
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 can play an enormous role in public life as a communication tool. Civil society cannot exist without communication within the community.
For example
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, city-report apps, social networks, and
connection
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connections
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 with government services create an "ecosystem" where citizens can report local problems and conflict situations, enhancing the
overall
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 level of safety
level
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apply
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.
In addition
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,
phones
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also
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 provide us with vital daily information for life in the city. They replace tools
such
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 as
:
Punctuation problem
apply
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 maps, schedules, calculators, and calendars.
This
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 greatly simplifies travelling a lot and promotes globalisation Considering all the above,
although
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 opposing opinions about using
phones
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 in public places still persist, I am still sure that we should have
an
Correct article usage
the
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 ability to use them everywhere for communication and safety, as their benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

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structure
Be clear in your main view in the first line and keep this view in all parts of your essay.
content
Add more real life and exact examples that show why you think this view is best.
language
Fix grammar and use short, plain words to make your sentence easy.
coherence
Use links that show how one idea leads to the next, and have a clean flow between ideas.
content
The essay has a clear view on the issue.
structure
It shows both sides of the argument.
content
It uses good ideas about safety and work in city life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
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