IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should provide free public libraries in every town, while others think that this is a waste of money because people can access information on the internet. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that the
amdinistration
Correct your spelling
administration
 should build
libraries
Use synonyms
 without charge in each region. Others believe
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
unecassary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 as
people
Use synonyms
 can find any information on online platforms. I mostly agree
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 with the second view that
people
Use synonyms
 have access to the
internet
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 nowadays it is easier and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not take much
time
Use synonyms
.  Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that the government should ensure
libraries
Use synonyms
 in every town since it
is give
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 space for students to
study
Use synonyms
. They can
study
Use synonyms
 in comfort
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 in the
libraries
Use synonyms
usually
Punctuation problem
, usually
show examples
 quiet atmosphere.
Also
Linking Words
, they will not spend money to buy books, because the
libraries
Use synonyms
 provide
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the
libraries
Use synonyms
, there
many
Verb problem
are many
show examples
extra-currical
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
 activities.
This
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to participate in
this
Linking Words
 and develop an interest in reading books.
For example
Linking Words
, students in the library can focus on their studies without any
noises
Fix the agreement mistake
noise
show examples
 and
disturbation
Correct your spelling
disturbance
. Public
libraries
Use synonyms
 organise reading clubs, in which
children
Use synonyms
 can take part and communicate with other
children
Use synonyms
. 
However
Linking Words
, I think that it is
a not
Correct word order
not a
show examples
 good idea, as the government will have to
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
libraries
Use synonyms
 from
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
. The books and the
maintance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of the
libraries
Use synonyms
 require a lot of money.
In addition
Linking Words
, now
people
Use synonyms
 have access to every online platform. Searching
information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
 is much easier since the
internet
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 it in a short
time
Use synonyms
. 
For instance
Linking Words
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will not spend
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
going to
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 finding
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 information and
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 when there is not enough space.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
show examples
 they can
study
Use synonyms
 at home and use the
internet
Use synonyms
 sources.  In conclusion, even though
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
 provide great comfort and activities for
children
Use synonyms
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 I personally support that
Use synonyms
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 from the
internet
Use synonyms
easier
Verb problem
is easier
show examples
 and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not take much
time
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Fix many spelling and grammar errors. Use short, clear sentences.
content
Say your view in the intro and again in the end.
cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like and, but, also, for example.
content
Give full reasons for each idea and add a small example.
structure
Use a clear plan: intro, 2 or 3 body ideas, conclusion.
content
The essay shows both sides of the topic.
structure
There is an intro, body and end.
content
Some examples are used to show a point.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: