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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of people living alone in five different age groups in the USA between 1850 and 2000.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of people living alone in five different age groups in the USA between 1850 and 2000. The graph provides the information about the percentages of particular
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
individuals
Check wording
groups
show examples
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
amid
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1850 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, year by year, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of lonely humans has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased
non-stop
Use the right word
nonstop
show examples
. The youngest group highlighted
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
less
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 rate
while
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
elder
Use the right word
older
show examples
 group more
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the initial year, the rate of loneliness in 1850 was low. People who
aged
Verb problem
were aged
show examples
 37 to 54 made up 2%
while
Linking Words
 55-64
age
Check wording
apply
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 slightly more, 3%.
However
Linking Words
, youngsters and youth represented 0% of being alone.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
37
Correct article usage
the 37
show examples
-46
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
population
Check wording
group
show examples
 remained steady until 1950. There was a significant increase in
47
Correct article usage
the 47
show examples
-54 and 55-64 groups to 3% and 3.5%, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all residents
constituted
Verb problem
experienced
show examples
 a dramatic growth in the following years. In 1950, the youngest group
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 17-
26
Punctuation problem
26,
show examples
 made up 2%.
While
Linking Words
 37-46 and 47-54 crowds amplified
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same pace,
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 2,75% and the latter 3.8%. 55-64 aged individuals experienced
drastically
Replace the word
a drastic
show examples
 boost to roughly 9%. In 2000, the proportion of single
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 increased noteworthy. Starting with the immature type, 17-26 increased to 4.5%, 27-36 to 8%, 37-46 to 6.5%, 47-54 to 135 and 55-64 to 17%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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