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Writing Samples
Band 6

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 below illustrates the percentage of both genders in a country that are involved in
house
Use synonyms
 chores,
whereas
Linking Words
 the second
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 depicts the total hours spent to complete these chores.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
women
Use synonyms
 spend more time cooking than the
men
Use synonyms
 on the
chart
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
More
Use the right word
Moreover
show examples
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, the
house
Use synonyms
 repairs
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more completed by the
men
Use synonyms
 on the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
. In the first
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
, the
women
Use synonyms
 seem to engage in more
Use synonyms
house
Use the right word
household
show examples
 activities than the
men
Use synonyms
. The cooking chore has
women
Use synonyms
 at slightly above 80%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
men
Use synonyms
 are at 60%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the cleaning has more
women
Use synonyms
 than
mean
Use the right word
men
show examples
 at
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
 of 60% and 40%, respectively.
Coversely
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, the pet care
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the same value in both genders
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the
house
Use synonyms
 repair is more dominant for the male gender. In the second
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
, the
women
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 seem to spend more minutes in these activities than the
men
Use synonyms
. Progressively, the
women
Use synonyms
 spend about
roughly
Correct your spelling
85
 85minutes in cooking
while
Linking Words
 the
men
Use synonyms
 spend 60minutes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the cleaning
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and pet care are
also
Linking Words
 dominated by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 a difference of 20minutes for these chores. In
similarities
Fix the agreement mistake
similarity
show examples
 to the first
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
, the
house
Use synonyms
 repairs are
male dominated
Use the right word
male-dominated
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, chart, house, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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