IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests comma and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 applying for
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 sometimes
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get asked about their personal information,
such
Linking Words
 as the activities they like or their marriage status.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals say that
this
Linking Words
 type of
questions
Fix the agreement mistake
question
show examples
 does not have benefits. I strongly agree that
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
informations
Correct your spelling
information
 is essential. On the one hand,
For
Fix capitalization
for
show examples
 people getting asked by employers
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their hobbies, married or single if they want to have a job, they are seeing
Correct pronoun usage
it that
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that
Change preposition
as
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 unrelated and
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of time.
In addition
Linking Words
, some of them are sensitive regarding these questions.
For example
Linking Words
, one may have a serious medical illness
that
Fix capitalization
That
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 will prevent him
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 married.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Many people see that personal data information is necessary for anyone willing to have a new job. Companies or different sectors must know what kind of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new employee will be in their home. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
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, in some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 the ministry of defence
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 a new batch
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 if they are single men, so that their
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
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 regarding
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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familly
Correct your spelling
family
 will be less and not affect
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 much in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 work. In conclusion, despite some argue that these personal
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
 are
unuseful
Correct word choice
useless
show examples
, I strictly agree that they are playing an essential role in determining who is the best candidate for that place.

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task achievement
Explain both sides and give your own view clearly.
coherence
Plan your answer: intro, two views, your view, short end.
coherence
Use link words like first, also, but, and, in addition, however.
grammar
Check grammar: 'People who are applying' not 'is applying'; 'information' not 'informations'; 'family' not 'familly'.
lexical
Use simple words. Avoid long or hard words; be direct.
tone
Be fair. Avoid words that can harm or hurt a group.
task response
You show both sides and give your own view.
coherence
There is a clear idea of your own view.
content
Some examples are used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • team dynamics
  • organizational culture
  • work-life balance
  • collaborative environments
  • bias
  • discrimination
  • conscious or unconscious bias
  • privacy concerns
  • personal boundaries
  • professional abilities
  • skills, qualifications, and experience
  • legal and ethical considerations
  • divert attention
  • significant professional attributes
  • relevant to the job
What to do next:
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