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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

e bar chart compares 5 sectors – engineering, medicine, arts, business and science in terms of their numbers of students enrolled in 2010 and 2020.

The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 compares 5 sectors – engineering,
medicine
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,
arts
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,
business
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 and
science
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 in terms of their numbers of
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled in 2010 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 looking bar
chart
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 in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 all enrolled places were at low numbers
to
Verb problem
compared to
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 compare in 2020, because in 2020 all sectors were dominant than past. Looking at the bar
chart
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 in more
detail
Punctuation problem
detail,
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 we can see that in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
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business
Use synonyms
 and
medicine
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 were enrolled more than others
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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medicine
Use synonyms
 850
students
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 and for
business
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 1300
students
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 which were engineering,
arts
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, and
science
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they were enrolled but lower
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to these two fields. In engineering
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 750 or around 800
students
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, in
arts
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slightly
Punctuation problem
, slightly
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 500
students
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,
when
Correct word choice
and when
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 it comes to
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science
Punctuation problem
science,
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 the result was at least 700 learners. Focusing on in
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
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 all fields
were
Verb problem
had
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 high numbers
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
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 than
arts
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it
also
Linking Words
 increased
than
Change preposition
from
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 2010, engineering
1000
Verb problem
had 1000
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students
Use synonyms
,
medicine
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1200
Verb problem
had 1200
show examples
Use synonyms
students’
Punctuation problem
students,
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Use synonyms
science
Correct word choice
and science
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 clearly 850
students
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, as
Punctuation problem
. As
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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business
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 was at the top of the
chart
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with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 its result the result was 1600
students
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 enrolled with
business
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 way.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, medicine, arts, business, science, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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