IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

employers sometimes ask people applying for personal information such as theirs hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both this views and give your own opinion.

Some organisations prefer to know detailed
information
Use synonyms
such
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 as Marital status and interests of their employees,
while
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 others don't give it that much importance.
This
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 Essay will discuss both opinions. First and foremost, personal
information
Use synonyms
such
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 as hobbies can give an idea to the employer so they can put them in which particular work field or department.
For instance
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, if someone is talented in being creative, that person can be a good fit as a planner.
Moreover
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, if
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 is getting the role in a particular department in which they can show their best version, it will directly increase the growth of the company as their talent has been
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
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 in a good way. On top of that, if having knowledge about marital status gives an idea whether the person will be working in the company for
longer
Correct word choice
the long
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 run, as studies show that one having a family will most likely prefer a secure and
long run
Use the right word
long-term
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 job position, so
accordingly
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 roles can be provided.
However
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, in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 knowledge about
such
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 detailed
information
Use synonyms
 is not that crucial for some companies, as they believe it can create discrimination among workers, and working professionally does not require
such
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information
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, healthcare Workers can have different creative hobbies, but those will not directly be
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for their job responsibilities. In conclusion, it totally depends upon
Correct article usage
the reicrutment
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reicrutment
Correct your spelling
recruitment
 team and their
and
Correct word choice
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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job responsibilities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 shows
that
Correct word choice
apply
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 whether
this
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information
Use synonyms
 should be asked in interviews or should
give
Wrong verb form
be given
show examples
 focus in resumes

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task achievement
State a clear view in the introduction and give a direct opinion at the end.
linguistic
Use simple, short sentences and common words to keep ideas easy to follow.
content
Give one strong example for each point and show how it links to your view.
content
The essay tries to talk about both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a closing part that ends the essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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