IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

75.Some people say it is government’s responsibility to transport children to school, while otheres believe parents should transport their children to school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is believed that the authorities should be responsible for taking
kids
Use synonyms
 to their schools.
While
Linking Words
 some oppose the view by stating that it is
guardian's
Correct article usage
the guardian's
show examples
 duty. The essay will discuss both opinions
along with
Linking Words
 my point of view in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs. On one side, dropping pupils
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their educational institutes is
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 duty. The main reason is the lack of time. In today's economy, where inflation is rapidly increasing. Mostly, both fathers and mothers are working very hard.
As a result
Linking Words
, they find it very difficult to take some time out to drop
and
Change preposition
off and
show examples
 pick
their
Change preposition
up their
show examples
 little ones. It will be more
convienent
Correct your spelling
convenient
 for them if local authorities can do the job for them
considering
Punctuation problem
, considering
show examples
 the fact
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 are paying taxes every year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is necessary
every
Correct word choice
that every
show examples
 child's right to education is protected.
This
Linking Words
 can be achieved by ensuring safe transportation facilities are in place for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is considered to be the responsibility of parents. The reason behind the belief is
Use synonyms
kids
Correct word choice
that kids
show examples
 are little and cannot travel alone by themselves. So, their elders are accountable for transporting them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, safety is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 guardians have to make sure their
kids
Use synonyms
 are safe all the time. Moving them to and from school is one of the ways to ensure
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 safety.
For instance
Linking Words
, I usually drop my
5 year old
Use the right word
5-year-old
show examples
 son
to
Change preposition
off at
show examples
 his school every day because I do not trust anybody. In my opinion, both
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and parents have accountability to ensure that students reach their schools safely. As
kids
Use synonyms
 are naive and can not sense the danger around them. In conclusion, it is
Correct article usage
the responsibilty
show examples
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 to safeguard youngsters' right to education. But parents are equally responsible for
guareenting
Correct your spelling
guaranteeing
 their offspring's safety.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Improve grammar and spell words correctly. Watch for punctuation and forms like cannot, 5-year-old, and government.
structure
Make a clear plan before writing. Have a strong opening with a thesis, two body paragraphs with main ideas, and a short closing.
task
Give full reasons for each view and add more than one example to back your points.
coherence
Use linking words to tie ideas together and check the flow from one sentence to the next.
examples
Use more than one example and keep them simple and relevant to the point.
strength
The essay tries to discuss both sides and gives a personal view.
strength
There is a sense of overall plan and some paragraphing.
strength
Two sides are shown with some balance in ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: