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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

TRAFFIC AND ACCOMMODATION PROBLEMS ARE INCREASING, AND THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD ENCOURAGE BUSINESS TO MOVE FROM CITIES TO RURAL AREAS. DO THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGE?

Due to
Linking Words
 better amenities in cities,
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 number of
masses
Check wording
people
show examples
 are migrating from villages.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 cities are getting overcrowded and housing problems are increasing. It is deemed that local authorities should motivate businesses to move from urban areas to rural areas. The essay will discuss both
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons of the situation.
To begin
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 with, there are numerous benefits of moving industries to
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
. One of the prominent advantages is
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of cheaper resources
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is of great economic value for business owners. The resources
such
Linking Words
 as wood, land, labour, transportation,
Correct your spelling
etc.
etcetera
Punctuation problem
etcetera,
show examples
 are way
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
cheaper in villages as compared to cities.
This
Linking Words
 is advantageous for businessmen as they do not have to invest the same amount of money as they have to do in
metropolitans
Use the right word
metropolises
show examples
.
Moreover
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, there is very
less
Correct word choice
little
show examples
 competition that makes it easy for
tardesmen
Correct your spelling
tradesmen
 to grow. It is possible for businesses to become
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 sole
merchandiser
Check wording
merchant
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 of a particular good because there is no one to compete with
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in the entire village.
This
Linking Words
 is hugely beneficial for
owner
Correct article usage
the owner
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 because now they can sell their products
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the price they want. The consumers would still buy it regardless of the cost because they do not have any other option.
However
Linking Words
, there are various drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the mentioned statement. The first
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 the pollution
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will contaminate the
otherwise
Linking Words
 fresh air of the countryside. With the
set up
Use the right word
set-up
show examples
 of industries, a lot of waste would be generated
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will pollute water and air.
Thus
Linking Words
, making it difficult to breathe, and
water
Correct article usage
the water
show examples
 undrinkable as it is polluted with all the discharges.
Additionally
Linking Words
, agriculture will be adversely
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
 because
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of industrial
waste
Punctuation problem
waste,
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 when discharged on
land
Punctuation problem
land,
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 gets mixed with
soil
Use synonyms
.
This
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 results in affecting
Use synonyms
soil's
Correct article usage
the soil's
show examples
 porosity, nutrients and
abilty
Correct your spelling
ability
 to grow crops. It will eventually lead to less crop production because of
soil
Use synonyms
 contamination
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Correct article usage
the grown
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grown food
Correct word order
food grown
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 is
also
Linking Words
 not 100% organic. In conclusion,
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of inexpensive resources and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of competition
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to be great benefits for moving industries to rural areas.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the bad effects
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as pollution and
soil
Use synonyms
degradation
Punctuation problem
degradation,
show examples
 can not be overlooked.

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task
Make your view clear at the end. State if you think the good points are more or not, and give a short last line.
structure
Give one main idea in each paragraph and start it with a clear sentence.
language
Use simple notes and check spell and form of bad word.
structure
Clear order: good side, then bad side, then end.
coherence
Uses linking words such as 'moreover' and 'however'.
task
Shows balance by talking about both sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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