IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?”

Getting into debt by purchasing products that one does not need is a more common problem in our society than most
people
Use synonyms
 think. Nowadays, getting a loan is easier than it was a few years ago
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it might push
people
Use synonyms
 to make impulsive decisions when shopping. I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 behaviour is linked to the fact that humans feel the need to always have more. We live in a time where
people
Use synonyms
 are really materialistic and want to hop on new trends, so they can feel better
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 themselves.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they will feel the urge to buy the next phone or the next designer pants, even if they don´t need
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 can obviously lead to getting into debt if they aren´t in the right financial position to purchase these things.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the quick
acess
Correct your spelling
access
 to loans mixed with a poor financial education, might
also
Linking Words
 be the root of
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe they are winning by taking a loan, not acknowledging that they will end up paying more than what they had borrowed.
For example
Linking Words
, there are a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 in Portugal
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 take loans to go on vacation and pay
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
in
Change preposition
off in
show examples
 2 or 3 years.
Obviously
Add a comma
Obviously,
show examples
 the interest rate will be quite high, and they will end up paying a lot more. To prevent
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon from happening, I have the opinion
that
Linking Words
is it
Correct word order
it is
show examples
 important to educate
people
Use synonyms
 since they are children, not only in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
 on
consumism
Correct your spelling
consumerism
. It is a fact that some efforts have been made on
this
Linking Words
 subject, but they are not enough. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, it is
commmon
Correct your spelling
common
 for schools to teach their students how
to not
Correct word order
not to
show examples
 be materialistic.
However
Linking Words
, kids still act the same way, showing
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
show examples
 is not
emphasized
Change the spelling
emphasised
show examples
 enough. Another important factor to reduce
this
Linking Words
 problem is financial education. Most adults lack
this
Linking Words
 knowledge since it wasn't really important by the time they were
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 school. That said
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, adults should pursue
to increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 their information on the matter with workshops or courses, since there are a lot are free online
.
Check wording
courses.
show examples
 With the extra knowledge, adults could easily understand what
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a good financial decision
or
Verb problem
is or
show examples
 what is not, reducing the things that are bought without the need or the money for them.

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task response
Begin with a clear view on the two questions. State your main point in the first paragraph and end with a short conclusion that restates your view.
coherence
Use simple, clear links between ideas. Use words like first, also, but, then, for example to connect ideas.
coherence
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. Give a real example for each point and explain why it leads to debt.
content
The essay shows a clear view that debt comes from wants and easy loans.
content
You give some examples from life to back your points.
structure
You offer a plan to fix the issue with education.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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