the chart shows the percentage of males and females who were overweight in Australia from 1980 and 2010

The chart illustrates the percentage of men and women who were obese in Australia from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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Australia
Add a comma
Australia,
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the
Correct article usage
a
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significant number of men were obese and is greater than the number of women in the given time frame.
Upward
Correct article usage
An upward
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trend can be seen
both in
Correct word order
in both
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males and females who were overweight. In general, there were around 40% males who
are
Wrong verb form
were
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overweight in 1980
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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moderately
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
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to around 48% in 1990 and peaked at around 65% in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, after
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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this
Linking Words
can be seen that the number slightly decreased to 60% by 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
same
Correct article usage
the same
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trend is followed by the women. In the early
stages
Add a comma
stages,
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females accounted for around 30% in 2000
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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steadily rose to around 45% in 1990 and
then
Linking Words
peaked at around 50% in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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2000.
later
Fix capitalization
Later
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, it remained steady till the
last
Linking Words
decade.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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