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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the results of a survey on the
factors
Use synonyms
 that make
people
Use synonyms
 happiest in two different
age
Use synonyms
 groups, including those under 30 and those over 30.
Overall
Linking Words
, career achievement was the most important factor for both
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
However
Linking Words
, clear differences can be seen in the other
factors
Use synonyms
, with younger
people
Use synonyms
 tending to value personal activities,
while
Linking Words
 older
people
Use synonyms
 focus more on financial and family stability. In the under-30
age
Use synonyms
 group, career success was the highest factor at 31%. Doing
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 activities came in
second,
Linking Words
at 22%. Good appearance was
also
Linking Words
 considered important (18%), followed by travel at 15%. Other
factors
Use synonyms
 made up the smallest part, at 14%. For those over 30, career achievement remains the main priority, accounting for 32%.
However
Linking Words
, financial security has become the second most important factor at 20%, which is much higher than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 younger group.
In addition
Linking Words
, 14% believe happiness comes from being with family,
while
Linking Words
 personal hobbies account for 24%. Other
factors
Use synonyms
 are mentioned the least, at only 10%. In summary, the survey results show a change in views of happiness across
age
Use synonyms
 groups, with younger
people
Use synonyms
 focusing on personal enjoyment
while
Linking Words
 older adults place more importance on long-term stability.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words factors, people, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stability" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • age groups
  • responses
  • happiness factors
  • participants
  • contribute
  • compare
  • patterns
  • differences
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