IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is very common for many elders to move to an old age home where they can be assisted by nurses and professional medical staff. These establishments,
Linking Words
However
Fix capitalization
however
show examples
, are not free
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 someone must pay for them. In many cases, the bill is paid by the family.
other
Fix capitalization
Other
show examples
 times, it is the government
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 pays for the care. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
seniors can
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
pay for
this
Linking Words
 service, I firmly believe that it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good idea for authorities to cover
when
Correct pronoun usage
it when
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 they can. In recent times, the cost of living has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased rapidly,
due to
Linking Words
 which, there has been a decline in
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 life savings of a common man. Because of that
many
Punctuation problem
, many
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 folks are
prioritizing
Change the spelling
prioritising
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 securing the money for their
kid's
Check wording
kids'
show examples
 better future than for themselves.
According to
Linking Words
 a recent survey, more than half of the senior citizens are living in vulnerable conditions
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of funds. In
such
Linking Words
 cases,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must intervene and  help them financially to live in retirement homes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
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 elderly people suffer from chronic disease and need special medical attention
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 many times
government funded
Use the right word
government-funded
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 institutions
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
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 to provide. In these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of instances, families of the patient should ensure to admit their loved ones to a properly equipped hospice care
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
show examples
 and in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cases these establishments are private.
For example
Linking Words
, a senior suffering from dementia and cancer may not get
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 service in
public
Replace the word
publicly
show examples
 funded units.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe it totally depends upon financial conditions and
personnel
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 circumstances of individuals that
if
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they should choose private care homes or
public
Replace the word
publicly
show examples
 funded ones.

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task
Be clear on who should pay. Say your view in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence
Make one idea in each paragraph. Start with a line that tells what you will talk about.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit. Keep sentences short and easy.
grammar
Fix small grammar mistakes and bad words. For example, 'not all the seniors can not pay' should be 'not all seniors can pay', and watch punctuation.
example
Give real examples from life or facts to back your view.
content
Has a clear idea that cost may change who pays.
content
Mentions cases like dementia or cancer to show needs.
structure
Starts with a view and adds reasons.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
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