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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Modern form of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their frieds. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the use of modern forms of
communication
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as social media and email, has reduced the amount of time
people
Use synonyms
 spend accompanying their
friends
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 has a negative effect on their social
lives
Use synonyms
.
Although
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 I agree that
people
Use synonyms
 need to use modern forms of
communication
Use synonyms
, I believe that communicating in person makes interactions feel warmer and more meaningful. On the one hand, social media has already become an indispensable
communication
Use synonyms
 tool in our daily
lives
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. We can notice that there are many modern forms of
communication
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,
such
Linking Words
 as smartphone
applications
Use synonyms
, email, and phone calls. These kinds of lifestyles deeply influence our
lives
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 in modern society. Without social media, I believe that many
people
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 would feel panicked.
In addition
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, apps with various functions and interests allow
people
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 to interact with their
friends
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 in multiple ways.
For instance
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, some game
applications
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 allow users to compete with their
friends
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 instantly in a virtual world. These
applications
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 have already become deeply integrated into our daily
lives
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.
Therefore
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, the constant emergence and innovation of apps has led to a growing dependence among the majority of users.
On the other hand
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, it is sometimes difficult to feel warmth when someone sends a text message.
Instead
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 of using words alone to show care,
people
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 can meet their
friends
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 or family members in person.
This
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 means that individuals can truly interact with their loved ones
face to face
Use the right word
face-to-face
show examples
 and express care and affection through physical presence.
Furthermore
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, text messages can sometimes be misunderstood, which may cause unnecessary conflicts.
By contrast
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, talking to someone in person can help avoid
such
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 misunderstandings. In conclusion,
although
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 I agree that
people
Use synonyms
 need to make good use of modern technology and
communication
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applications
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 to interact with
friends
Use synonyms
 and family, I believe that real, face-to-face interaction remains indispensable in today’s society.

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structure
Use one clear idea in each paragraph and add a strong topic sentence at the start.
content
Give more real and simple examples that link to your main point.
grammar
Keep words short and check grammar; fix noun-verb order.
content
Make your introduction and conclusion show your view more clearly and keep to the task.
strength
Your view on balance is clear and the essay tries to cover both sides.
strength
You use linking words to show flow between ideas.
strength
You give reasons for why in-person talk can be warmer.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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