IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that entertainers are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree ? Which other types of job should be highly paid ?

2.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
jobs
Fix capitalization
Jobs
show examples
nowdays
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
 become so typical and
diffrenent
Correct your spelling
different
, regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the new lifestyle we have
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 with the ease of starting
this
Linking Words
 new journey through
this
Linking Words
 digital system
Body paragraph 1
Therefore
Linking Words
 , influencers and
brokes
Use the right word
brokers
show examples
 tend to gain
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
higher salary ten times
Correct word order
ten times higher salary
show examples
Linking Words
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Use the right word
the
show examples
 average employee
person
Check wording
apply
show examples
,and that
because
Verb problem
is because
show examples
 the
algorithem
Correct your spelling
algorithm
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
show examples
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 do believe that entertainers deserve to get paid well
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 not as much as
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
 or higher
educated
Use the right word
higher-educated
show examples
 person
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
eductaed
Correct your spelling
educated
 people spend their whole
lide
Correct your spelling
life
 studying and use their academic journey to improve their
proffisional
Correct your spelling
professional
life
Use synonyms
 ,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 doctors spend more than 7 years
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 and after
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
employee
Correct article usage
the employee
show examples
journey
Punctuation problem
journey,
show examples
 they save
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and they
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 important than actors or any other type
entertainers
Change preposition
of entertainers
show examples
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
 ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 do respect their
postion
Correct your spelling
position
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
and playing a
mojor
Correct your spelling
major
 role in the
econmic
Correct your spelling
economic
 factory , but logically
doctors
Punctuation problem
, doctors
show examples
 , engineers , chefs and many other specialities
Punctuation problem
, its
show examples
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 to have them in our daily
life
Use synonyms
Conclusion
In conclusion ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 would highly suggest that
Linking Words
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of educated people deserve to get paid well
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the sectors are free to gain as they
preformed
Use the right word
performed
show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Plan your answer first. State your own view clearly at the start.
structure
Use a simple plan with an intro, a few ideas in the middle, and a short end.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'however'.
content
Give clear facts or examples to support points.
content
You show a view on both sides of the question.
organization
You use real job names like doctors and engineers.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: