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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people hold the opinion that children should obey certain rules made by teachers and parents. Others, however, feel that these rules only limit children’s growth and impact their adult life later. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Over the decades, new ways to educate
children
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 have emerged,
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parents
Correct word choice
and parents
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 and teachers
became
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have become
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 less and less strict.
However
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, the debate is heading towards how strict teachers and
parents
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 must be without compromising
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children
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children's
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 growth and impacting their behaviour. In my opinion, they should obey to an extent
to
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apply
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certain
rules
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. On one hand,
children
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needs
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need
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 a framework defined by limits that enable
parents
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 and teachers to educate them. In a classroom
,
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apply
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 where no
rules
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 have been settled, the teacher will have difficulties
to control
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controlling
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 their students. Indeed, settling do's and
dont's
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don'ts
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 allows
parents
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as well as
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 professors to create a framework in which kids are
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
.
Therefore
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,
children
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 become
civilized
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civilised
show examples
 and do not disturb others in many situations.
On the other hand
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, giving freedom to
children
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 allows them to express themselves and discover their true identity. A child who's given the right to discover and do whatever he wants can explore many themes, sectors or games. Thereby, he will be able to find what he loves and what he wants to do with his life.
Thus
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, letting a child without limits opens his field of possibilities and allows him to discover himself.
Overall
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, each of those views creates great benefits for the
children
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 either in society or in the impact on
his
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their
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 future. But, those two
point
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points
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 of view need to work together,
children
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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rules
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as well as
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 freedom. I strongly believe that kids should obey to
rules
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 that
dicts
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dictate
 the big picture and aren't limited by them the rest of the time.

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structure
Use a clear main idea in the opener and state your view with one sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words and connect sentences to show flow.
language
Fix small grammar errors like 'needs' -> 'need', 'obey to' -> 'obey', and 'do's' -> 'rules'.
structure
The essay shows both sides with clear 'on one hand' and 'on the other hand' parts.
content
There is a clear opinion at the end.
content
There are some good ideas about rules and freedom.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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