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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the percentages of men and women aged 60–64 who were in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

The charts show the percentages of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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 aged 60–64 who were in
employment
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 in four countries in 1970 and 2000. The figures are given in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
employment
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 rates for
men
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 were significantly higher than those for
women
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 in all four countries in both years.
In addition
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,
employment
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 among people aged 60–64 generally declined from 1970 to 2000, especially for
men
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. Looking first at
men
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, Japan recorded the highest
employment
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 rates in both years, decreasing slightly from 84% in 1970 to 76% in 2000. Australia and the USA
also
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 saw notable declines, with Australia falling from 74% to 47% and the USA from 73% to 55%. Belgium experienced the sharpest drop, declining dramatically from 79% in 1970 to just 19% in 2000. Turning to
women
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, Japan again had the highest figures,
although
Linking Words
 there was a small decrease from 43% in 1970 to 40% in 2000.
Employment
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 among
women
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 in the USA rose slightly from 36% to 38%,
while
Linking Words
 Australia saw a minor increase from 18% to 19%. Belgium had the lowest female
employment
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 rates, falling slightly from 8% to 7%.

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task
The task is done well. Give one short line at the start to say what the charts show, then one short line at the end to sum the main change.
coherence
Make the flow smoother with more small link words like 'and', 'but', 'also' to join ideas.
data
Keep to the data. Pick a few key numbers from each group and compare them in clear groups (men then women).
content
Clear beat of men having higher work rate than women.
content
Data from all four countries is used.
structure
Good two-part structure with clear focus on men first then women.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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