IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The diagram illustrates the process of how fast food restaurant burgers are made.

The diagram illustrates the process of making
burgers
Use synonyms
. First of all, trucks
are
Verb problem
apply
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come to the factory. Before putting meat to grind
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
first,
Linking Words
the inspectors need to check it. Only after that meat can be
polished
Verb problem
ground
show examples
 and
next
Rephrase
then
show examples
 become in circles, to use it for our future
burgers
Use synonyms
. After a
while
Linking Words
,
burgers
Use synonyms
 are moved to fridges
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to keep meat fresh. Later, the delivery
drive
Replace the word
driver
show examples
to
Verb problem
will go to
show examples
 the restaurant
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and give
burgers
Use synonyms
 for
sales
Fix the agreement mistake
sale
show examples
. But before serving it with bread, cooks are frying the
burgers
Use synonyms
 to make them warm and fragrant.
Finally
Linking Words
, after
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 process,
customer
Correct article usage
the customer
show examples
 can get his burger.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words burgers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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