IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.

The given bar chart illustrates how many people
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 fruit and vegetables on a daily basis in the UK
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
 an 8-year
period
Use synonyms
 between 2001 and 2008
Overall
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is clear that the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 was dominant throughout the
Use synonyms
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
children
Use synonyms
 accounted for the lowest share. The figure experienced an upward trend for the first
two-third
Use the right word
two-thirds
show examples
 of the
period
Use synonyms
 before deceased slightly in the final third. The proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 eating fruit and vegetables was highest in the initial year, just over 20%.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 there was a dramatic rise in the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
, around 35% in 2006.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 two years,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 consuming fruit and vegetables
witness
Wrong verb form
has witnessed
show examples
 a steady drop, around 30% in the final year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 data of
men
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 plateaued for the first three years, at 17% and 12% respectively. A similar upward trend was seen in both categories, with
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 rising significantly to around 27% for
men
Use synonyms
 and approximately 21% for
children
Use synonyms
 in 2006. In the following
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the percentage for
men
Use synonyms
 remained stable, the
data
Check wording
percentage
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 climbed continuously to 25%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, they both dropped nearly to 25% for
men
Use synonyms
 and just under 25% for
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, women, children, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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