IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that boys and girls should attend school together. Others feel that they should be educated separately. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Gender
Use synonyms
 is another
variety
Check wording
way
show examples
 to
categorize
Change the spelling
categorise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the world. Some
people
Use synonyms
arguing
Verb problem
are arguing
show examples
 about the situation in various ways. Especially since
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
kids
Punctuation problem
kids,
show examples
 they try to identify them separately, some thoroughly believe
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 should be educated together, but others
not
Verb problem
do not
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 my
opionion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, it should not have any
gender
Use synonyms
 verification
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they all should attend school together. Being a female is a big disadvantage in some communities. Some aspects of religion
also
Linking Words
 try to identify
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
gender
Use synonyms
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
. Ancient
people
Use synonyms
 thought
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 should not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stay
under
Change preposition
in
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 category. Especially,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 ruled the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
always
Rephrase
apply
show examples
with priority.
Gender
Use synonyms
 separation has
applied
Verb problem
been applied
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere since school age. As an example,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some ancient Vedic books
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 prohibited
to give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 higher education to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 with male students. They have already
stablished
Correct your spelling
established
girls
Use synonyms
' and
boys
Use synonyms
' schools with different aspects.
However
Linking Words
, modern
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
rejects
Correct subject-verb agreement
reject
show examples
 the
gender
Use synonyms
 separation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they believe both should have equity sharing.
Modernaization
Correct your spelling
Modernisation
 always
open
Correct subject-verb agreement
opens
show examples
 up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar opportunities to both
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 in the education sector. As an example, established mixed schools, universities
with
Verb problem
have with
show examples
 same procedures. They do not rely on the
gender
Use synonyms
 varities,
help
Correct word choice
but help
show examples
 to identify their own strengths and weaknesses
according to
Linking Words
 their personalities. In conclusion, I always believe
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 should attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school together. It helps to build up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each other with proper identification.
While
Linking Words
 they start the journey
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
together since childhood, it
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 steady foundation to being responsible adults in the world.
Finally
Linking Words
,
gender
Use synonyms
 separation should not
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being a human being and sharing the values on the earth.

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language
Work on grammar and spelling to make your ideas clear.
structure
Plan first: write an intro, two body parts for both sides, then a clear opinion in the end.
content
Give more reason for each side and keep a fair balance.
content
Use simple, clear examples and check facts you use.
style
Keep sentences short and tidy to help the flow of your essay.
position
Your view is clear that you want mixed schooling.
content
Some ideas show you think about both sides.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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