IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, women now are able to join the armed forces on equal basis with men. However, some people feel that only men should be members of the army, navy or Air Force. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A widely common
belieis
Correct your spelling
belief
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
, rather than
women
Use synonyms
, only the man should have the privilege to join in military, navy or
arm
Replace the word
armed
show examples
force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
show examples
. I
firmely
Correct your spelling
firmly
 stand against
this
Linking Words
 statement and
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that
women
Use synonyms
 should have the equal right to build their career in
this
Linking Words
 sector.
Women
Use synonyms
,
noawadays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
, have the strength to get involved and build their career in any
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
show examples
 it could be medicine,engineering or civil service.Starting from getting educational qualifications to practical task accomplishment,females are proving their physical and mental strength.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with the
families
Punctuation problem
families,
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 are even
encouring
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 their daughters to choose their
preferable
Correct word choice
preferred
show examples
 job.
For instance
Linking Words
,
counties
Use the right word
countries
show examples
 like North Korea or the USA,the government have blocked a fixed amount of seats just for
women
Use synonyms
,be
give
Wrong verb form
gives
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 many extra facilities to empower them.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 modern culture, people in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries are aware of the contribution of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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 building a better livable place.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
womens
Correct your spelling
women
 play a significant role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 making any profound decision for the sake of
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 and its people.The
natunal
Correct your spelling
natural
 habit of having
sacrificing
Correct article usage
a sacrificing
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 intention not only for her family but
also
Linking Words
 for her country,
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
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 mother.It
creats
Correct your spelling
creates
 an
uncompareable
Correct your spelling
incomparable
of
Check wording
experience of
show examples
 creating a peaceful community.
For example
Linking Words
,in the time of
liberation
Correct article usage
the liberation
show examples
 war in Bangladesh,around half
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lakh of
women
Use synonyms
 directly contributed
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 war
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
that
Change preposition
at that
show examples
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 they placed the country first rather than their personal life.For
this
Linking Words
 remarkable contribution,a great nation stands still
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
 map. In conclusion,both men
as well as
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the same level of ability to get involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any military
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
 by their mental and physical stability.

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task
Start with a clear line that states your view. Make a short thesis that answers the question.
structure
Use a simple plan: introduction, 2 or 3 body paragraphs, a short end. Each has one main idea.
development
Explain each idea with a short sentence and add one example or fact.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words to show order, like first, also, but, for example.
grammar
Check spelling and make grammar clean. Small errors can hide your meaning.
lexical
Use only easy words and keep sentences short to make your point clear.
stance
The writer shows a clear view that women should have equal rights.
content use
The essay uses an example from history to back up a point.
content reasoning
There is an effort to explain why this change matters for the country and people.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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