IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports even though others claim they should have the freedom to choose a sport of their liking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent times, certain
sports
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been classified as a potential danger to the health of these athletes. Some citizens are of the opinion that the
government
Use synonyms
 should abolish
such
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that these athletes should have the autonomy to participate in a sport of interest. I am in support of the latter
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 I believe other measures can be implemented by the
government
Use synonyms
 to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is paramount to
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 the well-being of all individuals involved in these activities
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Hence
Linking Words
, some
sports
Use synonyms
 that pose a threat to one's safety,
such
Linking Words
 as boxing and
football
Punctuation problem
football,
show examples
 should be properly regulated.
Reseach
Correct your spelling
Research
 studies on retired football players concluded that 75% of these
atheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 suffer from a concussion
due to
Linking Words
 numerous intense
collission
Correct your spelling
collisions
 on the field,
thus
Linking Words
 a majority of them are predisposed to neurological defects
such
Linking Words
 as Parkinson's disease.
However
Linking Words
, a ban on these
sports
Use synonyms
 by the
government
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 would
duely
Correct your spelling
duly
 affect the
free-will
Use the right word
free will
show examples
 of these participants
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 proper safety guidelines should be put in place to ensure maximum safety of these athletes.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 football, there should be laws against excessive violent tackles
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in fact, they should be tagged
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
foul by the
refferee
Correct your spelling
referee
 and not just for the thrill of the audience. More so, in boxing, the recommendation of more protective
gears
Fix the agreement mistake
gear
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as padding for the abdomen and a helmet for the
skull
Punctuation problem
skull,
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 should be implemented to lessen the impact of trauma to their vital organs.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the health of an individual should be a top priority in every field
, by
Punctuation problem
. By
show examples
this
Linking Words
, I solicit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a balance between both notions, thereby recommending that the
government
Use synonyms
 should
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 other means to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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Task response
Plan your write up with one main idea per paragraph and use a short last sentence to link to the next idea.
Task response
Make the view clear in the start and end. Do not mix many ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
Grammar and accuracy
Check the spell and the grammar so the sense is easy to read.
Task response
Add a few more facts or examples to back your point, and keep the idea straight.
Task response
Keep the view the same. If you say you have a view, stay with it and explain why with steps.
strength
A clear view is stated.
strength
Some example from sport rules helps show the idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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