IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe that government should take the responsiblity of aged people while others believe that its individual responsibility. discuss both the views and opinion

Many
people
Use synonyms
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that old
people
Use synonyms
 should live on their own
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsiblity
Punctuation problem
responsiblity,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 in my opinion
government
Use synonyms
shuold
Correct your spelling
should
 take the
Use synonyms
duty
Check wording
responsibility
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are aged. Many old
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 stamina even at their
high
Correct word choice
advanced
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 to live on their own. Those
people
Use synonyms
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
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 to live on their own because they don't want to
burdenize
Correct your spelling
burden
 their
government
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 they don't like to live
as
Correct word choice
so as
show examples
 to become dependent on Authority.
For example
Linking Words
 :
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 an aged person is healthy and can do jod so he always
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
 to continue his
job
Use synonyms
 for his living.
because
Fix capitalization
Because
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 is making him independent and keeping him active at the same time,
so
Rephrase
apply
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he will always choose to live on his own.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who become tired after doing
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their whole life. Some of them are tired physically
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of them are tired mentally. So they want freedom from a routine they
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 following for many years after an
age
Use synonyms
. So it is
Use synonyms
duty
Correct article usage
the duty
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to provide them with liberty and take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
For instance
Linking Words
: there is a person who
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 doing his
9a.m
Correct your spelling
9 a.m.
 to 5p.m
job
Use synonyms
 for many years. A time will arrive when he
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 tired of his
duty
Use synonyms
 and will hope to get rest physically
as well as
Linking Words
 mentally.
so
Fix capitalization
So
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 when he would have hope of getting
shleter
Correct your spelling
shelter
 and pension
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 , he will be able to resign
happily
Correct word order
apply
show examples
his
job
Use synonyms
 at
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
age
Use synonyms
.
Correct word order
happily.
show examples
 In conclusion,if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 takes
Use synonyms
duty
Check wording
the responsibility
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 and mature group of
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 that would be a piece of cake for them. But if someone wants to live on individual
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
,he should
also
Linking Words
 be appreciated as he is trying to be independent even at his old
age
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan the essay in four parts: intro, view one, view two, and a short conclusion.
task response
Make your view clear. Say what you think about who should take the duty. state it in the first or last paragraph.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show order and link ideas: First, Next, But, Also, For example, In my view.
grammar
Keep sentences short and fix common mistakes like 'responsibility' and 'government'.
examples
Give one or two simple examples to back up each point.
grammar
Check spelling and use the same form of verbs.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides.
content
Some idea are shown to explain points.
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