IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates five different occupations that
people
Use synonyms
 engaged in Australia from 2001 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the largest proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 worked in the sales field,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who engaged in agricultural farming took up the least. Looking more closely at the data, there are roughly 150000
million
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
made
Correct pronoun usage
who made
show examples
 sales in 2001, and it climbed up slightly to 2008, which was
occupied
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 in total number. Farming households were the least, accounting for approximately thirty thousand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, and even
plummeting
Wrong verb form
plummeted
show examples
 in 2008.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 in
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
show examples
 field
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 six times
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
those
Change preposition
of those
show examples
 in farming.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 employed in accounting and nursing remained relatively stable over the period, about 60000
people
Use synonyms
. It is noticeable that there showed an upward trend in computing
roughly
Punctuation problem
, roughly
show examples
 20000
people
Use synonyms
, overtaking the number of
people
Use synonyms
 employed in accounting and nursing
at the end
Linking Words
.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment trends
  • workforce
  • sector
  • industry
  • agriculture
  • services
  • economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • policy changes
  • notable increases/decreases
  • statistical data
  • regional employment patterns
  • comparative analysis
  • percentage points
  • employment rate
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