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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, there is still a significant gap in pay and opportunities between men and women in the workplace. This inequality can lead to various problems for both individuals and society as a whole. What are the main problems caused by gender inequality in work and employment? What solutions can you suggest to address these problems and promote greater equality?

Many nations in the world continue to experience gendered inequalities in salaries and career progression. These gaps are the primary reason for multifarious
challenges
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,
such
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 as gender-based violence (GBV) and female frustration in employment.
This
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 essay will discuss these
challenges
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 before suggesting possible solutions, like implementing affirmative-action policies and GBV
programs
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. On the one hand, there are many problems caused by gender inequality in the workplace. These conundrums tend to infiltrate the domestic space, where females become victims of domestic abuse from their male counterparts
who
Punctuation problem
, who
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 earn more. What
this
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 means is that females, as is the case in many
such
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 incidents, are left with restricted freedoms to make decisions in the home, especially about money and how it should be spent. Even in the economic space,
women
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 become overwhelmed by the limited chances for progression, making their working lives feel meaningless. Several studies report that without any promotion or opportunity for personal development, many
women
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 resign from their jobs,
while
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 others
Punctuation problem
, unfortunately
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unfortunately
Punctuation problem
unfortunately,
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 resort to suicide, just to numb their frustrations. To effectively address these
challenges
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, states should step in with affirmative-action policies and gender-based violence
programs
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. A good policy framework will be based on strategies of gender equity, which entail
equalizing
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equalising
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 pay and opportunities for employed males and females.
This
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 point can be exemplified by how many firms have had outcomes
such
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 as female salaries being immediately raised to equal those of men, and female-only positions being advertised.
Furthermore
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, states should roll out community
programs
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 to teach the public about human rights and the importance of positive relationships in families. Developed countries have an array of
such
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programs
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, which educate
women
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 on the importance of reporting any form of abuse and the channels for reporting. In summary, unequal opportunities at work have resulted in significant
challenges
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 for
women
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 in public and private spaces. Problems
such
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 as GBV and workplace stress can be resolved by governments proactively implementing female-centred employment policies and community
programs
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. These strategies should suffice to include
women
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 and place them at the forefront, at work and
home
Change preposition
at home
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.

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tip
Clear the end of each idea with a topic sentence. Use short sentences to keep the flow easy to follow.
tip
Show both sides a bit more. Add a short note on another idea or view, then give a policy to fix it.
note
Use simple words. Avoid big words like multifarious or conundrums. If you must use a hard word, add a tiny explanation.
note
Be careful with strong claims. If you say 'many studies', add 'some studies say' or 'research shows' and give a real example.
tip
Link ideas with clear transitions. Start a new paragraph for each point. Use words like 'First', 'Also', 'In addition', 'However' to move ideas.
strength
The essay has a good plan: it states the problem and how to fix it.
strength
It ends with a short summary that repeats the main idea.
strength
There are some clear policy ideas like action and GBV work.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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