IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries government are investing on new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening. Do you think this is an approciate use of government money?

Nowadays, many countries are heavily investing in
new age
Use the right word
new-age
show examples
 technologies like Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning, and Natural Language Processing. The
government
Use synonyms
 is investing in these costly ventures because of the number of merits associated.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reduce the response time to a crime.
For example
Linking Words
, someone was kidnapped
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 their photograph. Using Artificial Intelligence, they can
simuntanously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
 check all the camera
footages
Fix the agreement mistake
footage
show examples
 in an area
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
face
Correct article usage
a face
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 recognition system can identify the person, giving details about the location. It will help them to arrest the criminal in less than a day
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 would be remarkable.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it will allow
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to better leverage their resources. To explain
this
Linking Words
, let us consider
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 speeding vehicles are automatically detected by the machines, police officers can be leveraged for better work where their intelligence is valued and required.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, these new age tools could give
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 an advantage in war situations.
This
Linking Words
 can be validated by an example. During
India-Pakistan
Correct article usage
the India-Pakistan
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 war,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
 army successfully shot down Pakistan's drones because of the right technology and skillset. In the future, only the countries
equiped
Correct your spelling
equipped
 with new age technologies will be able to survive
such
Linking Words
crisis
Correct article usage
a crisis
show examples
 situation. To
summarize
Change the spelling
summarise
show examples
, the
government
Use synonyms
 is interested in these investments because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
efficiency and
protects
Correct subject-verb agreement
protect
show examples
 the people of the nation.
Thus
Linking Words
, we can surely say,
government
Use synonyms
institutes
Replace the word
institutions
show examples
 are putting their money
in
Change preposition
to
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 good use because it is their responsibility to make the citizens valued and
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I think the technology would be equivalent to the gold
resevoir
Correct your spelling
reserve
 in the future. The more
tech-savy
Correct your spelling
tech-savvy
 a nation
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
, the bigger
super power
Use the right word
superpower
show examples
 it will be considered in the world. It can be validated from the above-mentioned instance.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should invest in these technologies as it is the rightful way to lead the country.

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structure
Plan your essay before you write. Make a small plan with a clear start, body and end.
coherence
Use a topic sentence in each paragraph to show the main idea first.
vocabulary
Keep words plain and simple. Avoid long or hard words.
content
Check facts. Some ideas are not true or are not shown well.
grammar
Fix grammar. Watch small mistakes like plural and verb use.
conclusion
End with a clear view. Restate your view in the last line.
spelling
Check spelling., like 'reservoir' for 'resevoir'.
organization
The writer shows a clear go to use tech, not only talk.
content
Linking words like First, Next, and Third help the flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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