IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart illustrates the profit of various kinds of video
games
Use synonyms
 (Mobile Phone, Online, Console and Handheld) across the world from the
year
Use synonyms
 of 2000 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the amounts of
sales
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 always highest in every
year
Use synonyms
 for handheld
games
Use synonyms
, its
sales
Use synonyms
 increasing slowly from 2000 to 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 console
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
decreasing span
Wrong verb form
has decreased
show examples
 over the
6
Correct word choice
past 6
show examples
years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 no
any
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 of mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
 for
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 two years.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
show examples
 the
sales
Use synonyms
 of Internet
games
Use synonyms
absent
Verb problem
were absent
show examples
 in 2000. In 2000, in the global market, Console and Handheld
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 only available.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
game
Use synonyms
 was available in next
year
Use synonyms
. The demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 paid mobile
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 first showed in 2002
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 users
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rapidly
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
year
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend is
also
Linking Words
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in online
games
Use synonyms
. The profit from console
games
Use synonyms
almost
Verb problem
was almost
show examples
 half
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to handheld
games
Use synonyms
 in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
year
Use synonyms
. But
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 it was six times less than handheld
games
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 sell
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 roughly around 18 billion dollars. In comparison, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 across the world
increasing
Verb problem
is increasing
show examples
 rapidly
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
year
Use synonyms
 except
console
Change preposition
for console
show examples
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words games, year, sales, game with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: