IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

As our world is becoming increasingly globalised, individuals are now more willing and able to find employment
farfrom
Correct your spelling
far from
 their birthplaces than at any other point in our history.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend has certain drawbacks, I believe the advantages are greater.Several downsides associated with the mobility of labour are clear. One of them is
separation
Correct article usage
the separation
show examples
 of families and friends.
People
Use synonyms
 who move for work may not be able to come
home
Use synonyms
 often to visit their relatives. Strong friendships can
also
Linking Words
 fade if friends do not meet regularly, leaving those who move and those who stay lonelier. From an economic perspective, if too many
people
Use synonyms
 relocate, local companies may struggle to find
employees
Correct article usage
the employees
show examples
 they require to grow.
Although
Linking Words
 all these disadvantages must be acknowledged, in most cases they are outweighed by the financial benefits of working away.Today,
people
Use synonyms
 from less-developed areas can relocate to more prosperous cities or countries with higher salaries and better career opportunities.
Although
Linking Words
 perhaps lonelier, those individuals can improve their own standard of living
as well as
Linking Words
 that of their families back
home
Use synonyms
, to whom they usually send money. After working away for several years, some will return
home
Use synonyms
. With savings and new skills, they may
then
Linking Words
 be able to establish new businesses or find jobs they could not get before, helping to develop their
home
Use synonyms
 region.
Thus
Linking Words
, relocating for work can help
people
Use synonyms
 improve their own financial situation
as well as
Linking Words
 contribute to the development of their homeland.In conclusion, for many
people
Use synonyms
, the ability to move within national borders or abroad to find better career opportunities is an enormous advantage because
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 most
cases
Punctuation problem
cases,
show examples
 it leads to more economic prosperity.
Although
Linking Words
 they may have to leave
people
Use synonyms
 they are close to
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their absence can make it harder for companies in their
home
Use synonyms
 regions to find employees, I still believe that the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend are far more significant than the disadvantages.(320 words)

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Balance ideas more. add more counter points and more detail on how the downsides compare with the benefits.
tip
Use a wider range of simple linking words to show cause, effect, and sequence.
technique
Check small grammar and spelling to keep the flow clear.
strength
Clear view is stated early and kept.
strength
Good use of examples like money sent home and growth of the home area.
strength
Logical flow from the downs to the benefits and a strong ending.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: