IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In recent years, a growing concern over
railway
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
 has emerged. Some people assert that new
railway
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
 need to be built,
while
Linking Words
 others advocate for improving existing public
Use synonyms
transport
Punctuation problem
transport,
show examples
 as it requires less state funding. Before discussing both sides, I believe that improving pre-existing public
transport
Use synonyms
 is more
time
Use synonyms
 and
money efficient
Use the right word
money-efficient
show examples
 compared to the costly construction of new
railway
Use synonyms
 systems. On the one hand,
emerging
Wrong verb form
the emergence of
show examples
 fast
transport
Use synonyms
 necessitates the building of new
railway
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
 as old
lines
Use synonyms
 are not developed enough
for carrying
Change preposition
to carry
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 its outdatedness,
pre-existent
Use the right word
pre-existing
show examples
lines
Use synonyms
 may cause more issues, including fatal consequences and
trains’
Fix the agreement mistake
train’
show examples
 crashes, in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, building railways anew may cost even less as new
lines
Use synonyms
 do not require
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
show examples
 search for mechanisms that match existing
railway
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
. For safety reasons, it is essential to construct new
railway
Use synonyms
roads
Check wording
lines
show examples
per
Change preposition
according to
show examples
 new
railway
Use synonyms
 conventions and norms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 old
lines
Use synonyms
 may not conform to them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, improving existing public
transport
Use synonyms
, including old
railway
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
, takes less
time
Use synonyms
 and money. Constructing new
railway
Use synonyms
lines
Use synonyms
 requires plenty of
time
Use synonyms
, perhaps years,
further
Linking Words
 hindering
peoples’
Check wording
people’s
show examples
 movements between cities,
while
Linking Words
 renovating pre-existing public
transport
Use synonyms
 requires less
time
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not every commuter uses a fast train, which makes the
overall
Linking Words
 construction of railroads anew inefficient. Renovation of old public
transport
Use synonyms
 benefits a wider population, who
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
 daily, compared to people taking fast trains. Ultimately, constructing new railroad systems necessitates a sufficient amount of state subsidies and
time
Use synonyms
, obstructing
peoples’
Check wording
people’s
show examples
 movement between cities, despite the fact that fast trains reduce
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 duration significantly.
However
Linking Words
, it is essential to take the wider population into account since the number of people using public
transport
Use synonyms
 daily surpasses the number of potential
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 using fast
transport
Use synonyms
 on new
lines
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I assert that renovation of existing public
transport
Use synonyms
 requires less
time
Use synonyms
 and money, which aids the masses.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Explain your main point in a clear line in each paragraph and restate your view at the end. This helps you meet the task well.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one clear idea. Use joining words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
strength
You show your view and compare sides.
strength
You use 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to present the two sides.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: