IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say smoking should be banned on public places. To what extent do u agree or disagree?

Rarely has there ever been a more contentious debate than whether the benefits of smoking justify its inherent drawbacks.
While
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 it is undeniable that smoking offers a range of benefits regarding a person's mental
health
Use synonyms
, I am of the firm conviction that these are significantly overshadowed by its disadvantages,
such
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 as one's physical and societal
health
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will elucidate why the negative implications are ultimately more substantial. Admittedly, the rationale for smoking is primarily based on its soothing effect on the user.
This
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 stems from the scientifically proven fact that the nicotine inside the cigarette has a certain stress-relieving
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
 that can lessen one's burden. A salient example of
this
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 can be observed in how , after a
long
Punctuation problem
long,
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 arduous day of work, adults often light a cigarette to relieve all that stress.
However
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,
while
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this
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 advantage is noteworthy, it is often limited and fails to address the more significant issue of a smoker's physical
health
Use synonyms
 and the well-being of those around them.
Conversely
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, a more compelling case can be made regarding the rejection of public smoking, as
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
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 approach provides an
overall
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 better somatic
health
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
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 to the aforementioned benefit, the widespread usage of smoking products often
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 with the plummet of its users' physical
health
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as lung failure and respiratory issues.
Furthermore
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, not only does the smoke affect the user, but it
also
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 damages the surrounding
peoplehealth
Correct your spelling
people
.
For instance
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, an infant whose mother was frequently consuming smoke from cigarettes during their pregnancy often becomes ill. To encapsulate,
although
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 smoking is not entirely lacking merit, the drawbacks it brings to the table are too much to be disregarded. In my view, it is vital that ruling bodies prohibit smoking in public places
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and create designated areas for smokers.

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structure
Plan the essay with three parts: a short intro that says your view, two body paragraphs each with one main point and a short example, and a short conclusion that restates your view.
cohesion
Use simple words to link ideas. Use words like 'but', 'however', 'and', 'also', 'because', 'so' to show how ideas fit.
content
Be clear. Put one idea in each paragraph. Check that each sentence is clear and not too long.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Use correct form: 'effect' not 'affect', 'smoking cigarettes' not 'smoke from cigarettes', and fix small errors.
task response
The writer shows a clear view and ends with a strong line that smoking should be banned in public places.
coherence
There is a sense of link between the idea of good and bad points in the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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